I got a question the other day about where would be the best place to relocate to if you have multiple sclerosis. So I put on my thinkin’ cap—and contrary to what my sisters say, it is not tall and pointy—and started narrowing down options. First, obviously, you’ll want to nix anywhere that’s both hot and humid, the MS double sledgehammer (or in WWE parlance, the flying forearm smash combined with the spinning headlock elbow drop), so let’s avoid that. Actually, let’s also include on the no-go list areas that just get plain hot. I mean, hot is still hot. (Sorry Qatar.) So how about the mountains? Um, too snowy and icy. Seriously, if you have any walking issues, snow on the ground will make going anywhere outside a bit like prepping to tackle K2. And let’s not even talk about all the hot tub parties you’d likely have to take a pass on, as hot tubs are the testicular claw of illegal wrestling moves for many of us. Now I guess that means we’ll have to lop off any place in the world where it snows. Ah then, what about an area that is cool but not snowy, like the Pacific Northwest or Scotland? No, no, that won’t work. I probably don’t have to remind you that MSers need more Vitamin D. Plus depression is a big problem with MS and days of rain can enhance those bummed out feelings. Think getting pinned by a split-legged corkscrew moonsault. Yeah, I know, ugh. I hate when I get moonsaulted. Hmm.
Aha! Maybe a sunny area along the coast that is dry. It can’t get too hot by the ocean, can it? Like 113 degrees in Los Angeles last year or 115 degrees in Melbourne, Australia, the year before. Oy vey. And besides, you need to have a fat wallet to get a pad in those locations, something most of us don’t have. Oh, oh, I think I’ve got it. A deserted island with the ideal temperature year round and cool ocean breezes and the perfect amount of sun! Yes! Wait, no. You’d have no access to medical care or Cheetos, two non-starters in my book. So does that mean there is not an MS utopia we should all move to? Honestly, you are probably already there. The best area to live—by far—is where you have the strongest social network of family and friends. Having folks you can count on to lend a hand when you hit a rough patch—physically or mentally—will help you get up faster from the mat, even after an El Kabong. (Note: according to Wikipedia, El Kabong, although it sounds a lot like a nasty relapse, “simply involves breaking a guitar over an opponent’s head. The name is a reference to Quick Draw McGraw who would say this phrase prior to hitting someone with a guitar.” Come to think of it, that is a relapse, and I’ve been El Kabonged more than a few times!)